Happy Holidays. Please enjoy these classic seasonal melodies with some new words.
I’ll be home for Christmas,
Where else would I be?
I’m ordered in, by policemen,
And Governor Jared P.
Christmas Eve will find me,
Home and quarantined.
Cabo and Miami,
Are only in my dreams.
We Three Kings (Explosive Cigar version):
We ‘pointees of Donald Trump are
With legal gifts, that’s taken us far.
To rule for Texas, did not perplex us
Not even Scalia would smoke that cigar.
(It was loaded,
It would’ve exploded,
We three Kings have permanent jobs!)
Should new acquaintance win us crowns,
Atop the NBA.
B-ball can reign in old cow towns,
For Nuggets fans who like to bet,
And Rocky so sincere.
We’ll take a title hooping yet,
This may just be our year.
With Jamal on fire every night,
The Joker then will move outside.
Swish shots from Kosovo.
With Barton back and Gary’s D,
Monté can play, so can Ja Green,
Bol Bol supplies more length.
Now Zeke Nnaji can play keyboard,
Coach Mike Malone can guide.
He’ll get our best team on the floor,
As Dozier hits his stride.
Let’s make Denver the top town for hoop,
And toast with Compazzo.
One thing, however, is amiss,
Kroenke has to get this fixed,
Or cover up his crotch.
Nug fans are mad and getting loud,
How can these games be seen?
Gathering in bars is not allowed,
We can’t go to old Pepsi.
We’ll find a way to watch the games,
Let’s stream them if we must.
This is the year, we’ve got the names,
It’s title time or bust.
READ: Colorado Sun opinion columnists.
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas:
It’s beginning to look a lot like Griftness,
Everywhere Trump goes.
Take a look at his text and tweet,
More money would sure be sweet,
With fake claims that cause real courts to all say no.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Madness,
And for too many weeks from now,
Trump can make us go ker-pow,
If only for a way to make his day.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Griftness,
Kindly don’t read that fine print,
Showing Donald making a mint,
Telling Trumpsters that not giving is a sin.
Jared Kushner, Donald Junior,
Eric, Tiff and Ivanka,
Add in Lara and we’ve got a mob scene.
People panicked, with propaganda,
This is Donald’s big dream,
But on every street corner you hear.
Trump is hell, dumb as hell,
It’s swindling time in the city.
Quid pro quo, or Trump says no,
Won’t concede without immunity.
Mail in ballots, phony voting,
Dead people choosing Joe.
In the air, there’s a feeling of stealing.
AGs filing, Ken Buck smiling,
The dumbest lawsuit yet devised,
And on every talk channel you hear.
Joe will go, any day,
It’s swindling time in the city.
Ring-a-ling, hear Mike Cohen sing,
Soon it will be judgment day.
Trump’s dreaming of a great Griftness,
Just like the ones he used to know.
Where the condos glisten,
And Russians listen,
For ways to launder all their dough.
Trump’s dreaming of a great Griftness,
Just like the ones he used to pull.
With planes, steaks and vodka,
And press like Pravda,
Fake colleges making students dull.
Trump’s dreaming of a great Griftness,
Just like golf courses that he owns.
With one price for members,
One more for lenders,
Far less to taxmen that he owes.
Trump’s dreaming of a great Griftness,
With every pardon that he writes.
May his crimes be proven and bright,
And his clothing match his skin just right.
We have a little vaccine,
We made it at warp speed.
And when it’s shipped and ready,
It’s just the dose we need.
Oh vaccine, vaccine, vaccine,
We want it quick and now.
And if Ken Buck won’t take it,
That’s more for us anyhow.
Jolly old Joe Biden sir,
Lean your ear this way,
Don’t you tell a single soul,
What I’m going to say.
Christmas Eve is coming soon,
Now, you dear old man,
Whisper that you’ll calm things down,
Tell us, yes we can.
Janet, Pete and Kamala,
Help you and Dr. Jill.
Repel our many enemies,
Restore our country’s will.
To live together peacefully,
As we’ve done before.
Save us from internal strife,
And keep us out of war.
Pandemic days must surely pass,
When next we all see spring.
Please tell us Joe, we’ll be just fine,
Unity is what you’ll bring.
Please give us hope for better days,
And be the best of men.
Let America shine bright once more,
And return to what we’ve been.
America must never fade,
We have to pass this test.
May Joe and his subordinates
Restore us as the best.
Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Hello 2021!
Craig Silverman is a former Denver chief deputy DA who also has worked in the media for decades. Craig is columnist at large for The Colorado Sun. He practices law at the Denver law firm of Springer & Steinberg, P.C. and is host of The Craig Silverman Show podcast.
The Colorado Sun is a nonpartisan news organization, and the opinions of columnists and editorial writers do not reflect the opinions of the newsroom. Read our ethics policy for more on The Sun’s opinion policy and submit columns, suggested writers and more to opinion@coloradosun.com.