Minutes after the Colorado Supreme Court pruned a problematic candidate from the Republican presidential primary ballot (at least temporarily), my phone exploded with congratulations from across the country. As if I’d done anything, aside from living in their jurisdiction! Anyway, go Supremes!
After the excitement died down, my mind began to work. The Jan. 6 cheerleader wasn’t the only annoyance buzzing around my brain or my state. Perhaps the highest court in the highest state could help out in other ways?
For instance…
Limit the all-too-free speech of that woman who was sitting behind me at Red Rocks last summer, belting out the lyrics to my favorite Brandi Carlile songs. Brandi herself was there to belt them out!
Rule on the idiot who cut me off on the Sixth Avenue freeway in Denver, swerving over three lanes so he could buy convenience-store coffee. I mean, does anybody like that swill? Enough to kill me for a styrofoam cup of it?
Open the border between Wyoming and Colorado long enough for Liz Cheney to escape. You’re welcome here in Weedtopia, Liz!
And while we’re dealing with immigration issues, why not end the wolf controversy once and for all by requiring citizenship tests for canis lupus? If the wolves can correctly name all 64counties, the seven bordering states, and Jared Polis’s height, weight and star sign, they’re in!
I’ve been warily, thirstily following the negotiations over Western water rights. Water wrongs, more like it! Our mountains, our snow, our rivers, our water, amirite? Seven dams for seven rivers will solve the problem. Back me up on this, Colorado Supreme Court, unless that’s vodka in the pitchers on your desks! Actually, if it is vodka, tell me what brand, and I’ll buy a bottle and toast you, justices. Well, at least four of you.
