It’s Festivus Eve, the day before one of our quirkiest holiday celebrations, and while I’m not equipped to demonstrate the traditional feats of strength like wrestling with my 16-year-old 6-foot-2 grandson — or even the 11-year-old, who is a scrappy 4-feet-8 and 66 pounds — I am fully capable of engaging in the other beloved traditions.
For those unfamiliar with Festivus, the holiday was created by the comedy writers for “Seinfeld” in 1997. It began as an elaborate joke meant to make a legitimate point about how holidays have become woefully commercialized, and it has become a kind of counterculture touchstone for those of us who long ago quit believing in Santa Claus and Black Friday specials.
In addition to demonstrating feats of strength, other time-honored Festivus traditions include replacing the Christmas tree or the Hanukkah menorah with an unadorned aluminum pole, serving meatloaf for the celebratory holiday meal and engaging in the sacred airing of grievances with loved ones.
I may not excel at feats of strength or meatloaf, but when it comes to the airing of grievances, I think you’ll agree I’m unparalleled.
And this year — more than any other — has taught us all the true meaning of grievance.
So, as we gather around a naked aluminum pole on this joyous occasion, let’s get to it, starting with the story about the workers for the consulting firms who lied about chemical contamination from oil and gas operations in and around Weld County.
Why they falsified records of toxins released into the air and groundwater remains a mystery, since once the oil and gas companies found out, they reported the fraudulent documentation to the Colorado Energy and Carbon Management Commission.
But it surely undermines our already dwindling confidence in the industry, which should have been monitoring its operations to avoid violating regulations on emissions over the past few years anyway.
The commission said contaminants released since 2021 included benzene, arsenic, barium and petroleum hydrocarbons, but the agency “remains confident” that they “created no new risks to public health.”
Which may mean everything is just fine or that the risk to public health in Greeley and environs is already so high that a little more benzene in the water won’t make any difference.
Take your pick.
As I said, confidence in the industry is subterranean.
Meanwhile in Aurora, the drama over CBZ Management, the “out-of-state slumlord” operating the apartments in which some Venezuelan gang members became Fox News darlings during the election campaign, has moved to the courts.
CBZ apparently was shocked when the Colorado Attorney General’s office launched an investigation into whether the company violated safe housing and consumer protection laws in the operation of it apartments, which residents said lacked running water, garbage pickup, rodent control and a long list of other routine services.
The company has filed a lawsuit to stop the AG’s office from gaining access to documents revealing communications with tenants, leases, marketing materials and other information.
I mean, I’m all for using the legal system to seek redress if there is some evidence of harassment or overreach, but, c’mon, if CBZ is operating within the law and treating tenants fairly, what does the company have to hide?
And then there’s the story about the prince of self-pity, the president-elect, who has decided to sue the Des Moines Register and its respected pollster J. Ann Selzer for publishing a pre-election poll that showed Kamala Harris leading in Iowa. (She lost the state.)
The lawsuit alleges that the poll violated the Iowa Consumer Fraud Act, prohibiting deceptive practices.
The Register stands by its coverage, said the lawsuit has no merit, and has vowed to defend its First Amendment right to publish such polls. To demonstrate its commitment to transparency, the news organization also published the demographics, weighted and unweighted data, and an explanation from the polling firm on methods used to produce the poll along with the results.
In its coverage of the lawsuit, the New York Times related what appears to be the real reason for the legal action. It recalled an unsuccessful libel case Trump brought against Timothy O’Brien, who wrote in “TrumpNation: The Art of Being the Donald” that the reality TV star’s net worth was much less than he claimed. Trump sought $5 billion in damages, spent $1 million on legal fees and lost spectacularly in a superior court in New Jersey and an appeals court two years later.
He later revealed his philosophy about bringing frivolous lawsuits in an effort to weaponize the judicial system in an interview with the Washington Post in 2016. He said he knew all along he couldn’t win the lawsuit against O’Brien and his publisher.
“I spent a couple of bucks on legal fees, and they spent a whole lot more,” he said. “I did it to make his life miserable, which I’m happy about.”
OK, deep breath.
Now that my grievances have been aired, I’m ready for the rest of the Festivus festivities to begin. Bring on the wrestling matches and the meatloaf. Go ahead and string some lights on the aluminum pole. Make it ridiculous fun.
And don’t forget to send a little love to the Des Moines Register and all the intrepid reporters out there (including at The Colorado Sun) this holiday season. We need them now more than ever.
Diane Carman is a Denver communications consultant.
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