Carman: Lauren Boebert gives a middle finger salute to her constituents

The roughly 2,800 people who paid serious money for tickets to “Beetlejuice” on Sept. 10 might be excused for feeling ripped off after being distracted from experiencing much of the first and part of the second act of the show by disruptions in the audience.

The tawdry scene in the middle of the orchestra section clearly was impossible to ignore.

Patrons complained about a couple vaping, loudly singing and using their phones with utter disregard for the others in the audience. After a warning during intermission and a subsequent verbal tussle with security staff members, the couple was escorted out of the complex as other patrons craned their necks to see what the fuss was about, the cast bravely soldiered on and theater staff tittered in the lobby. 

Just another day in the carefree life of U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert, whose M.O. is constant narcissistic chaos and whose developmental level appears to have been arrested in middle school.

For the (less than) honorable representative of Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District, it was another opportunity to flaunt rules and social norms and exhibit her contempt for anyone who might have come to the theater simply to enjoy the show.

As she and her companion reportedly said to the security staff, “Do you know who I am?” And then, supreme arrogance unleashed, “I will be contacting the mayor.”

Good luck with that.

But in the aftermath of her shameless hissy-fit, the episode provides important life lessons for all of us.

No. 1: Live theater is different from “Carpool Karaoke” or a weed-infused Jimmy Buffett concert. People who sing along with the cast are considered ill-mannered buffoons. 

Sure, we’ve all had a few pre-theater cocktails now and then and might be deluded into thinking everybody wants to hear us instead of the performers onstage, but that’s just the alcohol talking. Most of us know enough to shut up when we get that look from the people sitting around us. 

And for those who don’t get the hint, a warning from an usher usually does the trick.

For Boebert, who takes pride in being so rude as to heckle the President during a State of the Union address, that clearly wasn’t enough. 

Whatever she was doing — apparently singing loudly, using her mobile phone camera despite verbal and published warnings prohibiting that, and undeniably vaping — she just kept doing it.

Cue the bouncers, please. 

No 2: Tossing around your privileged status seldom works, except on airlines and even then it won’t protect you from the consequences of being a total jerk.

Oh, and if you intend to run for public office as a representative of regular folks who you say are ignored and disrespected by society’s elites, don’t behave like an entitled princess, openly disregarding the rights of others and lashing out at those whose jobs are to protect and serve.

If we learn nothing else from the 91 criminal charges filed against Donald Trump, it’s that bragging about your elite status gets you nowhere. It just pisses people off.

No. 3: When attending a performance in a public facility, note that your every move is being recorded and that the video can be obtained by pretty much anyone through a simple public records request and posted to YouTube for all eternity.

In this case, that includes video of the ushers sitting in the aisle watching Boebert’s behavior before they removed her from the theater, the congresswoman clearly sucking on a vape device and exhaling smoke despite her staff’s insistence it was just stage smoke, and some, well, enthusiastic and less-than-discreet groping that might have been more appropriate for the back seat of an Uber instead of a kid-friendly production in a giant public theater.

There also was the moment when the congresswoman stood up from her seat and adjusted her dress to keep her boobs from falling out, how she flipped off the staff at the Buell Theatre as she walked through the lobby, and the joyful dance when her date ceremoniously twirled her around as the smiling couple left through the atrium, a move that once again required the congresswoman to yank her dress up over her boobs to keep from further exposing herself.

No. 4: A middle finger salute caught on video might be considered ill-advised for someone who is guaranteed to face a barrage of negative advertising in a looming congressional election campaign that could determine the majority in Congress and the future leadership of the House of Representatives.

As a young friend of mine who had to call his dad last year to report he’d been caught “doing middle fingers” on the elementary school bus explained, it was a “bad decision.”

He was 9 and he was mortified.

In contrast, for the congresswoman, the whole performance was right on brand.

But not without the risk of serious blowback — even though she issued a belated apology after the story exploded.

I’m thinking Lauren Boebert’s opponents will find all kinds of rich material for their political campaigns in those videos. Advertising teams are already hard at work.

And, finally, No. 5: Berating and flipping off the staff as they eject you from a theater doesn’t exactly inspire respect for a member of Congress. 

Unending ridicule is the more likely outcome.

As the ghost in “Beetlejuice” says, “Humans can be so vulgar.”

Diane Carman is a Denver communications consultant.