Sleeping in.

It’s the biggest change I’ve noticed in my routine.

I sleep in almost every day, even when my father yells from the kitchen, “It’s 8:30, wake up already!”

It’s a wonderful comfort. But it’s also brought a blanket of laziness over me. The mere thought of doing schoolwork makes me groan in annoyance. I say I’ll work out this morning, but I end up saying to myself, “Eh, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

I don’t feel like making my bed.

Instead I want to stay there, huddled in the warmth surrounding me, forever.

I want to open up my laptop for work but sometimes I end up looking at new songs or scrolling through Instagram.

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I want to stop this.

Right now.

I know it’s not good for me. I’m an active person, but staying home all day makes me angry and restless. I feel unproductive other than finishing all my schoolwork. I can feel time slipping away from my fingers, and I’m helpless to catch on.

I tell myself, I have to do it now. But I don’t.

I used to wake up at 6:00 every day. Now it’s 9:30 AM.

I used to be dead asleep at 10:00. Now it’s midnight.

I have the ability to stop myself. Go back to the routine. Be healthy again.

But I just don’t feel like it.

It sucks.

I could say I’m trying but I don’t think I am. There’s a lot I could be doing with the valuable time I have on my hands. But all I end up doing is the same thing over and over again. I wake up, eat, do schoolwork, eat again, watch TV, and then go to sleep. I want to change that. I want to overcome this drowsy laziness that has taken over. 

It’s unlike me and I despise it.

I have little bursts of productivity at some times, but they don’t last very long. I end up thinking, “That’s enough practice for today,” when I know I could be doing so much more. I hate myself like this. 

I used to say, “So much to do, so little time.”

But I have time now. And I’m not doing anything. 

I need to do something.

I need to use my brain that’s gone dusty and solve some extra difficult math problems. Learn curriculum in advance. Study some ancient texts. Learn that extensive dance routine. Tune the guitar and write some music. Work on that book I started a year ago and have only written four chapters.

It shouldn’t matter that breakfast smells so delicious this morning because I’m not eating until I’ve exercised. It shouldn’t matter that a new podcast episode came out that I really want to listen to because I haven’t done my work yet and I know I can’t do both at the same time. 

I need to keep myself moving, even if I can’t go places physically. I can’t end up becoming a rusty machine that hasn’t been used for years. I need to keep myself oiled out and very much working for when the day finally comes when life becomes normal again. I can’t let this keep me from doing what I need to do.

No, I’m not starting tomorrow. I’m starting right now. 

Veena Raigaonkar lives in Littleton.