Gov. Jared Polis and Executive Chef Dana “Loca” Rodriguez announced earlier this month that 550 new jobs were open at the revived and renovated Casa Bonita in Lakewood. 

Want to work there? We lifted these required job qualifications verbatim from the Casa Bonita website, under listings for “Entertainer (Dry)” and “Entertainer (Wet).” Applicants please note: Your prospective boss admits to the nickname “Loca,” and Casa Bonita’s new owners — “South Park” creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker — made the restaurant the focus of a juvenile kidnapping in season seven, episode 11.

But if you love what you do, is it really work?

Interviews in March, training in April, face Cartman and his hungry little pals in May!

Job qualifications include:

“Immersive and improv performances to prescribed tracks.”


“Staged stunts, staged romance (#metoo #ick — eds.) or choreographed combat, including jumping in pool from up to 16 feet.”

“Must be able to balance on one foot and hold arms above your head.”

“Must be able to lift 80 pounds and potentially lift a team member”

“Must be able to remain standing, walk and run during complete working shift.”

“Many of the skits require running around the stage or climbing on the rocks. It may include stooping, kneeling, crouching, crawling, or climbing on the rocks around the pool.”

“Able to deal with potentially impatient or unpleasant guests who may have been in line for hours.”

“Must have a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at the absurdities of life.”

Behind the scenes

Peter Moore is a writer and illustrator who lives in Fort Collins. You’ll find even more of his drawings/weirdness at