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Opinion: It’s too hard to think for myself. Just give me the vaccination already

I’m taking the easy road over the edge of the cliff

After reading a polite, but slanted opinion in the Colorado Sun I had an epiphany: Why am I trying so hard?

Michael Pachan

Why am I trying so hard to continue to think for myself, to collect actual data, to listen to experts that are here to help rather than steer a political agenda, to continue to view others through an equal lens?

Why use all this energy in trying to be realistic, when it seems so much easier to just slant data so that I could be “right,” especially when being right relates to my political identity? 

From here on out, I’m done with it! I’m going with the path of least resistance and I’m on a mission to stop trying so hard. From here on out I’m going with the flow, even when the flow is leading to a rapid dropoff, sometimes called a cliff.  

Here’s five ways in which I’m throwing in the towel in a valiant attempt to stop trying so hard:

READ: Colorado Sun opinion columnists.

Mask Mandates. I’m in! The previous me would have seen this as an intrusion on my civil liberties, but not anymore, because being free is too much work, and I’m not trying hard anymore. I mean, who needs all those non-verbal communication signals that our faces convey to others while participating in humanity? It’s only 80% of how we interact day to day. Think about how much less hard I’ll have to try, by avoiding 80% of what other people are trying to convey to me. 

Experimental drugs. I’m in! Feels good to be back in the drug scene. Personally, I kicked my habit over five years ago, but who needs to try this hard to be clean? Here’s my arm, shoot me up! I’m so glad that I don’t have to pore over articles and videos by experts regarding natural immunity anymore. How exhausting and time consuming. The human body used to be a miraculous thing, but man, that’s a lot of work to understand. I’m sure Big Pharma has it all figured out on Take #1, so give me them drugs!

Junk science. I’m in! I’m so tired of trying so hard to understand difficult subjects like science. I mean, the whole concept of science is to constantly evaluate moving targets and understand that each new finding brings new questions, and then you must try to find answers to those questions. I’m out. That’s too much work for the new me. What’s the guy who’s being paid $417,000 a year saying? I’ll just take that answer as gospel. No one making $34,750 a month would be incentivized to lie to me. 

My body = government’s body. I’m in! All these years I clung like hell to the my-body, my-choice concept, and boy was that a load of trying too hard. Hey, if Big Government wants to extract, zap, kill, eliminate, fix, fiddle, or fondle a few clumps of cells in my body, who am I to fight against that. No more! I’m on a new path of not trying so hard, so my body is no longer a temple. I’m pledging my body to the United States Government! Historically speaking this has always been a safe bet. 

TODAY’S UNDERWRITER

Fear porn. I’m in! For five years and counting, I’ve done my best to reject the hyperbolic claims of Nazi, racist, fascist, dictator, the-sky-is-falling kind of folks. That took a ton of energy to do; I’m not trying hard anymore. I’ve now pledged my peace of mind to buying into every ounce of fear porn that is thrown my way. If the sky is constantly falling, then I’ll just stay inside, buried in front of my favorite fear-porn megaphone. Science says that fear is good for the immune system, so it’s like a two-fer!


Michael Pachan lives in Indian Hills.


The Colorado Sun is a nonpartisan news organization, and the opinions of columnists and editorial writers do not reflect the opinions of the newsroom. Read our ethics policy for more on The Sun’s opinion policy and submit columns, suggest writers or give feedback at opinion@coloradosun.com.


The Colorado Sun is a nonpartisan news organization, and the opinions of columnists and editorial writers do not reflect the opinions of the newsroom. Read our ethics policy for more on The Sun’s opinion policy and submit columns, suggested writers and more to opinion@coloradosun.com

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