One of the most amazing things about Mother Nature is her unceasing creativity. She is consistently inventing new forms of life and new expressions of that life – some of which are beneficial to humans, and others bad news for our species.
Now, evolution has coughed up the coronavirus. And with it, humans have responded with a whole new variety of social phenomena.
Some of these I attempt to categorize here, based on extensive field observations from my computer desktop, too much Facebook, a boyfriend who reads everything, and late-night comedy shows:
Corona babies: the very real possibility that couples spending too much time at home together are going to be reproducing as a result.
Corona bellies: the phenomenon of eating too much because of a very short spatial distance to the fridge. In the case of my household, we have been watching cooking shows at night, which makes it far worse. Add in beer and lack of exercise…
Corona gardens: NPR recently reported that sales for fruit and veggie seeds, garden tools, and even baby chicks have seen a spike since people have had to sequester.
Corona guilt: I didn’t think that guilt could mutate, but it has! Everybody with a guilt gene has a slightly different version of this new type. And there are a whole load of new things to feel guilty about:
- Not being a nurse or doctor
- Having a job
- Not being required to become a certified teacher overnight in order to teach children physics, algebra, and Shakespeare from my own kitchen table
- Walking more than 20 feet outside
- Not being sick!
Corona animals: Scientists are unsure about where the virus came from, but apparently there are two main suspects, and both are weird and fascinating.
One is a species of bat called a horseshoe bat. These are tiny little reddish-brown mammals classified as microbats – about 2-3 inches long, that flap around tropical places in Europe and Asia. They send out and receive radar through their noses!
The other is even weirder: a scaly, adorable hump of a beast called a pangolin. Imagine if a badger and a dragon had a baby, and there you go.
They are awkwardly-shaped and quite rotound but still defry gravity to climb trees, where they live alone in hollowed-out trunks. And their method of eating is sticking out really long tongues to scoop up ants and termites.
Corona clothes: sweats, hoodies, and more sweats and hoodies.
Corona, CA: yes, there is a city named Corona, and I feel bad for them.
Corona Colorado: yet to be defined… because none of us can leave the house yet to find out what’s going on out there.
The only thing we can bet on is that it will be different!
Hannah Miller lives in Westminster.