By nature I’m a basketball fan. But this year, our Denver Nuggets were fool’s gold. Meanwhile, the Rockies still stink, and there won’t be any regular-season Broncos games until Sept. 14.
What’s a mile-high fan to do?
GO AVALANCHE!
Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know that Denver has a professional hockey team. The NHL is the least popular of the four major pro sports, drawing 5,000 fewer fans per game than Major League Soccer. And nobody cares about Major League Soccer!
So, as we are in the throes of the NHL Stanley Cup Western Conference finals, some introductions may be necessary. (This advice is valid through at least May 26.)
Our team
This year’s Avalanche earned the President’s Trophy by winning 55 regular-season games. That’s five more than the next best team! Which is actually a bad thing. Of the last 45 President’s Trophy winners, only eight won the Stanley Cup. The most recent time it happened: waaaay back in 2013!
Team motivation, Part 1
The Avs may have won the most games, like a bunch of dopes, but they remain driven to succeed. Their best player Nathan Mackinnon may also be the best player in the world, or maybe in history. We’ll see about that. The good news is: He’s pissed. He played for, and lost with, Team Canada in the Olympics, and as a further insult, he was handed a stupid stuffed animal as a consolation prize. If glaring were combustible, that plushy would go pyro.
Team motivation, Part 2
The Avs coach, Jared Bednar, led the team to the Stanley Cup in 2022. Then he led them out of the playoffs in 2023, 2024, and 2025. At the end of the regular season, when the Avs were losing a game to the Vegas Golden Knights, Bednar took a puck to the face and missed a couple of games. Well guess what: The Knights are the team that stands between his Avs and the Stanley Cup finals. Blackboard material par excellence!
Team motivation, Part 3
The Avs captain, Gabriel Landeskog, helped his team to its most recent Cup, then sat out three seasons with a brutal knee injury. Our captain is now held together with scaffolding, hope, and chewing gum. But his name is Gabriel, just like the trumpet player who will announce the resurrection!
Hockey: The viewer’s guide
According to NHL Edge, the league’s puck-tracking geniuses, the Avs skate nine miles per game, at a maximum speed of 24.78 miles per hour, and they can shoot the puck at 100mph. It’s a blur! Hockey highlights wait for no fan, and are often followed by the question, “Wait, they scored? How?” Fortunately there are 18-minute Zamboni breaks between periods, so you apply a hot compress to your bloodshot eyes.
Why none of that Avalanche excellence means a damn thing
Alone among professional sports, hockey requires uncommon good fortune for a team to win the championship. A hot goalie, a lucky bounce, a goal from a benchwarmer, and you’re No. 1! The Avs oldest player — Bret Burns, an ageless talent at age 41 — has played 1,000 professional games and never touched a championship trophy. He’s good, but he’s not lucky. And in the NHL, luck is what sends you home a winner.
How lucky are our boys in maroon and purple? We’ll know soon enough.
Rabbits feet out, Colorado hockey fans.